


before i go

by mingupingu



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Death, Gen, Goodbyes, Lots of Crying, M/M, Multi, Pls heed the tags before reading!, Suicide, Suicide Notes, im so sorry for this i literally wrote this while listening to billlie Eilish’s before I go, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28338690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingupingu/pseuds/mingupingu
Summary: Jongho left everything behind on that rooftop with everyone crying his name.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Choi San, Choi Jongho/Everyone, Choi Jongho/Jeong Yunho, Choi Jongho/Jung Wooyoung, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi Jongho/Kim Hongjoong, Choi Jongho/Park Seonghwa, Choi Jongho/Song Mingi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	before i go

**Author's Note:**

> tw // suicide, death

The wind on the rooftop of the apartment complex was harsh and biting. But Jongho didn’t mind. He wouldn’t have to suffer through it for much longer. He wouldn’t have to suffer through anything. 

Jongho made a mental checklist to make sure everything was set. 

  * Left a note to each and every one of his friends
  * Called his parents beforehand to tell them he’s sorry 
  * Cleaned up his room and packed his bags
  * Wrote his final goodbyes in a small letter that he left on top of his bed 



He chuckles thinking about the teddy bear that was sitting alongside the letter. That was one of his favorites and he wished he could bring it with him here. But he couldn’t. There’s no way out of this but down. 

There’s salty tears streaming down his cheeks and he doesn’t even realize. He’s been crying for awhile now anyways. Days on end. Jongho’s face could barely feel anything anymore. He could barely feel anything at all. 

Now, he was here about to see the world when he stops breathing. Jongho was alone. He was tired. He was ready. If there was even anyone who wanted to see him, they better hurry. He’d be leaving soon. Nothing can save him now. 

He wants to say sorry to everyone he’s ever loved and cared for. He wants to tell his friends that he loves them and that he’ll miss them. Wants to hear their voices one last time. 

When he hears a shout of his name behind him, sees all the distraught looks on his friends’ faces with his notes clenched tight in their hands as they look in horror of their youngest standing at the edge of the rooftop, he’s still made up his mind. They can’t save him. 

Some were cautious, knowing if they got any closer, Jongho would jump. The others were desperate. The screams and sobs and cries for his name fill the cold winter air but nothing will help. 

Wooyoung and San were holding onto each other, they were both crying, San’s eyes begging and Wooyoung screaming for Jongho to stop, to come back to them. 

Mingi was frozen, but Jongho could see tears in the man’s eyes. He was probably too shocked to see his best friend and partner in everything be at the edge of the roof, soon falling off till his breath runs out. 

Yeosang stood beside Mingi with his hands clenched in tight fists. He looked so distraught and scared, scared of losing his friend, and Jongho wishes he could comfort him. Yeosang always looked better with a smile. 

Seonghwa was in shambles. Jongho sees his little teddy bear that was on his bed beside his last letter in Seonghwa’s arms, held tight against his chest, and he can’t help but be happy to know that the bear will be able to keep his friends company when he’s gone. 

Seonghwa had Yunho and Hongjoong at his sides, holding on to him to keep him up from his shaking legs giving out on him. He was so afraid, he was terrified, he was worried, he was losing Jongho, he wanted his youngest back. Seonghwa was like the warm parental figure Jongho never knew he didn’t have. He’s almost on his knees if it weren’t for Yunho and Hongjoong crying at this whole situation and the thought of losing Jongho too. Seonghwa knew he had to be strong for them. But right now, all he wants is Jongho in his arms, petting his hair and feeling his heartbeat against his hand. He screams and cries for Jongho, begging for him not to do it, not to leave them. But it all falls on a closed mind. He made his decision already. 

Jongho is glad he has this chance to bid them his last goodbye, send his last “I love you”s and finally he feels the warm tears against his cheeks, feels something after so long of being numb. He feels relieved. He smiles at them when he does. 

And just like that, he jumps. 

Everyone’s hearts fell to the ground, while Jongho’s felt like it was flying. 

It beated with vigor as he watched the world before him. Watched his life pass by him right before his eyes. Jongho could feel his heart yearning for it all back. 

And then, it stopped. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is a lot more darker than what I usually write so I’m not sure if I did okay on it but this literally broke me while writing it ;-; 
> 
> this was really just me being inspired by a song again and putting it into a fic. this one was inspired by Billie Eilish’s Before I Go. It’s so hauntingly beautiful. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this one, albeit a bit more serious in tone than my other fics ;-; but I’m still working on my other fics rn too! pls look forward to them and thank you so so much for reading! 
> 
> I appreciate all your comments and kudos! it really makes me happy to read them ;-; <333
> 
> twt: goodliljjong


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